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A
Dark Horse Fantasy
Jimmie
Dickie
Nightmare! What -- someone in the room.
Don’t move. Don’t scream.
Why must I always sleep alone?
I'm not that quick. My heart
Can't keep up with itself.
The thumping chamber springs my breath,
At last I gasp but nothing moves.
The thief has gone. Was it all dream shadows?
I look inside but it’s not the pain
Or its remembered fever
Dared not rob me of
my sleep tonight.
I’m too hard-worked yet I feel robbed
As if I have lost something more than fate allowed.
As if I have been touched against my will.
My father was afraid, discharged his duty
And sent me to the castle to tender as a scullery maid.
The work is hard and I am getting used to going
Without the light. But I don’t like it.
The butler and the cook give me the evil eye --
It’s not my fault that I'm a hopalong.
I would have been a beautiful girl
A really beautiful one. I have the bosom
And the hair -- lovely long red hair.
Oh! No this is a nightmare -- this
Has to be a dream. Wake
up! Wake up!
They cut my hair off while I slept.
Those bastards.
The world would leave you with no dignity at all.
So I will leave this undignified world.
I dress and waddle down the draughty stairs.
Voices in the kitchen cough like phlegm.
It is them.
- By this red hair we bind the demon in
- Our midst. Return ye to the fires of hell
- As this hair is consumed by fire.
I can’t believe this. Bad enough to live with
The pain from my leg but heart
Pains are not so easily endured.
Deformity sure makes the seeing blind
And their deformed hopalong hearts
Lurch when it comes to love.
I will not be ashamed.
Amazing how desperation makes us brave.
I’m heading
for the stables. It has been
Six years since I last rode a horse.
It damned near killed me.
You are massive. What I have always
Wanted is to ride with the wind.
That wild look in your eyes.
Could it be you or is this
Just some mad girl’s fancy?
Only one young man in the village
Saw beyond the stumble and the limp.
Always gave me the same smile
Whether I impressed or not in my
Uneven way. We had no chance.
His parents wouldn’t countenance it.
The sun must shine. God must be happy in His heaven
And legs must be even.
I pull the reins and lead you to the gate.
It is my ladder to the stars.
This is a game: I can’t believe my daring.
I lie across your back and neck
Taut equine musky musculature.
Ride my black beauty ride.
We are away. You seem to know
Exactly where to go. I have no fear of falling.
Crossing the ford was easy.
Plashes scattering the ghosts of night.
Marsh gas rising from the hollow
Like a sepulchral cloak.
The reeds rustling while fox cubs play.
Moonbeams dancing as we gather speed.
Hooves hammering tattoos in the turf.
The world passes by in a cold draught
And my body thrums with your beat.
A bit like being excited after a dance
Only you are doing it.
We run and twist and leap through space.
The air is just a journey like the ground.
Broken rhythm: sound, silence, sound.
And we are nearly there, you slow: my parents’ house.
I hang, slide down your sweaty flank,
Approach the door. My mother opens it.
She gapes, stares past me in amazement.
No dark horse, just a man
His feet and hands all bloody.
She seems to understand no explanations are required.
We bathe his hands and feet.
He falls into a sleep.
And as the firelight flickers in the grate
I stroke your long black hair
Without regret, as a lover might.
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