And a strange
night it was
that one when
I went out onto the hills
heading northward into the woods
moonlight lay
on the ground like milk
but its potency was that of wine
full
the trees
were skeletal black cracks
against the luminous sky
and stars glowing so close
to touch
a strange
night it was
when I answered her call
and left my cosy room and books
a six
walled prison of knowledge and feelings
and went to seek her
over the face of
the land
she had said
'If you want me
you can have me'
and I went
out into the darkness
to find her
the houses
fell away behind me
as I walked ascending
as the road grew rougher
before it
gave out altogether
leaving only the Common
and the woods
ahead of me
and soon
all around
the slope
ceased
I had reached
the top
the hills'
exalted place above the land
clouds now
scudded and slid across the sky
as the freezing wind increased
and I moved with
them
trying to keep warm
and keep warm inside her words
words that
heated me and my body
the trees
closed in around me
as the footpath wound away in front
continuing
I continued
following
its chalky
line glowed through the mud
glowed in the grounded moonlight
that fell through
the branches
even so I
knew the way
of course I did
my body drove me on
of course it did
my body
controlled my mind
overruled it
of course it did
even so I
knew the way
through the dark trees
over the rough leaf littered ground
I had
often travelled it by day
and sometimes homeward by night
but never outward bound by night
she had said 'If you want me
you can have me'
she had said 'I am yours'
but I had said nothing
only remembered
then only
remembered later
and left my happy prison
left another world of the mind
for a
different real one
lights showed
up ahead
through the crooked boles
a lonely house
I knew it
well
and
floundered off the path to avoid it
I had been
here before
of course I had
the house
moved off leftward
and I struck out onto the hard damp lane
the fields began to my
right
but the woods were still on the other side
waiting
holding
mud fell away
from my boots
I heard my
footsteps now grating
on the stones of the lane
stars wheeled
over
Orion
striding the south
the burning
eye of Sirius chasing at his heels
silently
the sound of
the world
all things
rushing
was quietened
the town's distant
roar
dulled
expectant
as I was
'If you want
me
you can have me'
darkness
above
darkness below
and all around
except for the moon and stars
and isolated
window lights
growing fewer
now
as the night
wore on
I drank still
more of the wine of the moon
and the damp scents of wet mud and stones
of dry
leaves soaked
and water becoming ice
my body was
hot
expectant
of course it was
my breath
blew out into cloud
before my eyes
becoming like the fumes exhaled
from warm
rooms by fire
from interior rooms
mind expanding prisons
but prisons
of emotions for all that
but I had
left
escaped
of course I
had
a branch
struck my face
stinging into my eyes
I reeled back
mind
returning only to now
the cold shimmering sky
the rushing clouds
the
changing moonlight
the darkness above the hills
on them
and under
them
I walked on
the lane
ended
rough broken ground began again
another narrow way
would I find it
one of
the few
among the trees
and the empty ground under them
last autumn's
leaves
dead to life
as I thought
I had been
until she
said 'If you want me
you can have me'
I followed
her out
eventually
into the dark
onto the
hills
here I am
of course I
am
I left the
light
the warmth
all past now
I wrote off all that the Western Star meant
all
that
everything
for my
imagined freedom
the hills
once more
and yet I am
torn
with desire for the City
the darkness and the glory
for all
my imagined
freedom
living there too
as in the
hills
but she had
said 'I am yours'
I half slid along the path
a mud slide
I heard the
cracking of ice
and whipping of branches
I felt a
freezing chill up my legs
as cold as the frosty stars
so far
and yet so
near to touch
like her
I follow
frozen mud
gives way
under my
frozen feet
frozen skin
taut
but my body
my flesh
taut
feels hot
expectant
taut
of course it
is
the darkness
is stirring now
it has moved within me
its many colours mingling
unquiet
imagination
and the night
called
a strange night it was
the darkness
beneath the hills
is stirring too
moving as if to break free
and engulf the
land
in black ecstasy
we wouldn't
know what we were missing
of course not
we wouldn't
know a thing
and then we'd have all knowledge
wisdom
it is all
within me
and outside
my body
it is all the same
one
my flesh
my senses
my very being
thrills
in their
sensuality
in their
absorbtion
they absorb
the land
the frost and wind
and the absent sun
all the stars
and the
inebriating moon
it is all
theirs
of course it is
the trees
part before me
trunks falling away like dominoes
the path ahead made clear
glowing threadlike
winding away
chalk in the
wine of the moon
the night amidst the black earth
under the sky
the way flies
under boots
my feet are warm
my legs are dry
my muscles burn
pulse races
eyes seek
all senses seek
of course they do
her power of
sensuality
her mind
sex
herself
wisdom
I see her
muffled
lips arrogant
against the
cold
my mouth
she said 'If
you want me
you can have me'
of course I
do
the darkness
cannot overcome her
that word made flesh
and living among us
among me
though I
hadn't known it
until she said 'I am yours'
I stop in
front of her
flight over
mission accomplished
I had chosen to accept it
of
course I had
I live
oblivious
my senses
race far ahead of my thinking mind
as my body does
as her body
does
we supply all
warmth and light
the light coming into the world
ourselves
in the dark
wood
when we came
into the
world
mutual
'I am yours'
'I am yours'
ever outdoors
under the moon
the shifting clouds
the wheeling points of stars
the silent sky
above the
land
the black earth
the darkness
beneath the hills
and the wind
wandering ever in air